It's about VietDAMN time Brock.

Wow, I have just realized it has been another month since my post and I have completely neglected to write about all the sweet Vietnam stuff. For that reason alone there will be two posts ASAP because a lot has happened.



We began our adventure by getting dropped off at the wrong hotel by whatever random taxi driver we could find that would leave me alone long enough to explain where we were going. The room had a really sweet queen size bed ... except the room was barely a full sized room so the bed hit the door everytime you opened it. It was really hard to argue with a ten dollar room though so I conceded and we decided to stay there for a few days. Our main goal in Ha Noi was to go on a Ha Long Bay tour (soon to be another wonder of the world) and ended up meeting a really sweet Australian couple on the boat and had a great night hanging out with them. They had overcharged booze on the boat so we decided to spend 5 dollars on vodka and bring our own liquid enjoyment on board (despite the fact the captain told us we'd still have to pay 60 cents per glass we drank). We also had the opportunity to do some late night squid fishing. I never pass up a chance to do some sweet fishing so I sat out with my bamboo stick for over an hour as everybody laughed at my persistance ... screw them I saw at least 3 squid and they didn't. After a sad departure from that junk (they call the big boats you ride on junks) we went straight from Ha Noi down to Hue.



Instead of paying the ten extra dollars to take a train we decided to ride on a sleeper bus. What is a sleeper bus you ask? It's a bus with midget sized beds that drives through the night ... self explanatory. Better yet I had to take an upper bunk middle seat with a broken seat belt. I apologize to any asian who reads this but the one thing I've learned about racial stereotypes is that the stereotype that Asians are crazy drives is more than true. I couldn't sleep a wink on that bus because I was laying with white knuckles holding on to the guard rails (if you could even call them that). Needless to say arriving in Hue was a very comforting moment.



In Hue we visited a very famous palace that was destroyed during the Vietnam war and spent the day taking a lot of pictures. I also got to see a lot of lizards and try my hardest to catch them (those guys are so fast but don't worry I eventually caught one in Hoi An ... details will come later). Our Hue visit was only for a night as we had to head down to Hoi An which would soon be my favorite place in Vietnam ....



We hopped on another bus (luckily for only a two hour ride yet I managed to sleep more on that than I did on the sleeper bus ... gotta love irony). We arrived in Hoi An and after having to play Mary and Joseph again and be turned away from all the Inns we wanted to sleep at we settled on one that had lizards in the room, one channel on the T.V., and conjoined bathrooms ... I guess it still beats a manger. Hoi An was beautiful and full of people offering you motorbikes and travel guides. It was also full of tailors willing to make you anything you desired. For that reason, I decided to buy a sweet three piece suit for almost the same price as what my new Van's I bought in Korea had cost. Lauren got some very nice dresses made and then we saw some really sweet zip-up hoody sweatshirts we wanted to buy. I had told the lady straight up that I wanted to know how much it would cost and she kept saying she had to measure us first. She told us they would be 80 dollars for two ... I've never purchased a sweatshirt for more than 30 let alone in a third world communist country. After almost bringing the lady to tears I talked her down to my original price of 40 for both and she obliged. Well worth the purchase.



After a great stint in Hoi An we headed down to Nha Trang ... where tourists are advised to stay off the beaches at night based on the amount robberies. Luckily our hotel was nextdoor to a sweet pool hall so we could hang out there at night. Nha Trang would have been my least favorite place if it wasn't for the amazing boat tour we went on there. We stopped on three islands. The first had Ostriches and Deer that you can feed, the second had an elephant show and the third had the greatest feature of all ... wild monkeys who loved mooching off Americans. Ostriches don't mess around when they bite at the twigs you feed them and Lauren yelled at me on multiple occasions for touching them when they got too close. The deer were boring but that's pretty much assumed and it really makes you apprecite deer hunting season. The elephant was terribly depressing and had clearly been beaten far too much. You know when you watch those videos on RealTV where the Elephants fight back? From now on I'm rooting for them to win.

The Monkeys, however, deserve their own paragraph. Man did I have a great time with them. We started out there by watching a sweet Monkey show which ended with them riding around in tiny little bikes. This my seem adorable but it turned bad-ass when two of the monkeys collided and all hell broke loose. I can now cross "watching a monkey on a tiny bike speed after his enemy, throw his bike down, and beat the bananas outta him" off my list of things to witness ... nine more to go. Feeding the monkeys also was just as fun as it sounded. Some were very polite and took one at a time while others felt the need to grab the handful of peanuts outta your hand or go fast first into your palm in true Randy from "A Christmas Story" fashion. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to smuggle any monkeys off the island because the mothers were too protective of their young and the other monkeys just wouldn't fit in my cargo shorts. That would be our final adventure in Nha Trang but let me tell you it was the best.

From Nha Trang we headed to Ho Chi Minh/Saigon ... the worst place in Vietnam. If you can imagine a loud, pushy, smelly, and dirty country ... just picture the loudest, pushiest, smelliest, and dirtiest place that would be in it and that's Ho Chi Minh. "No, I don't need my Van's sneakers cleaned" turned into a pretty common expression there as well as "GO AWAY!" towards the end of our frustration. We went to a huge buddha statue which was suppose to be a spiritual place and upon entering were followed by a large group of hustlers claiming they worked for an orphanage and would let us get into the temple for free if we bought their postage cards (the temple was free to start with). After realizing what they were doing, Brock broke into a little speech about the commercialism of religion and how they are ruining any spiritual aspect of this temple because of their shady ways. I recieved a frustrated "Oh my GOD!" as one of the guys walked away thus proving my point entirely ... though shall not take the name of the lord your God in vain ... especially at his house of worship ... what a saint. Once we finally made it to the top, a little girl tried to charge us for turning the shoes we had removed as we entered the temple 20 degrees so we would more comfortbly be able to slide our flip flops on. "Baby hungry! Baby Hungry!" turned out to be her battle cry but her shotty English turned out to be her downfall as she was at least seven and therefor not a baby. If I would have found that hungry baby I would have fed her but alas she was nowhere in sight. I can't think of much more to say about Ho Chi Minh other than it sucked and we got in a car accident on the way to the airport. Not once were we asked if we were ok but instead our driver flagged down another taxi for us as he explained to his employer why he blindly entered oncoming traffic. I don't think "but it's my first day" is going to fly. We flew back to Hanoi for a night and spent it in peace before heading back to Korea the next day.

All in all ... Vietnam was amazing. It was the best vacation I've ever taken and was able to buy more souveniers than you can ever imagine for under 20 bucks. The people were both friendly and annoying but I must say I prefer that to rude and frustrating (... old ladies in Korea). I will definitely be returning to Vietnam at some point in my life but first I promise I will be returning to this blog and writing a new post. Keep your eyes to the sky because a new one will be coming this week.

- Brock