Sometimes life can be such a beach

Yikes this is a very delayed post.

A belated Happy Thanksgiving to you all and an early Merry Christmas! I hope your Thanksgivings were great and filled with lots and lots of Turkey. Our Thanksgiving consisted of fried chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, spaghetti, garlic bread, curry pork, and a cake that said congratulations on it. I guess we were congratulating all us Americans for having a feast in a foreign land ... a little different than the 1621 feast but what can you do. It was a fun night filled with food and booze so that's always a plus. Lauren and I also decided to celebrate Thanksgiving in true American spirit and spend the rest of the weekend doing very little. We managed to find a Christmas tree and an assortment of holiday decorations to hang up in her apartment. We are the only two apartments in our building (and possible all of Korea) that have Christmas decorations on our door.

After our weekend haitus we decided we should do a little traveling the following weekend. Instead of making a plan, we thought we (Lauren, Will, and I) would jump on a train and head towards the coast. The trains in Korea have kareoke booths in them and good ol' Will managed to talk the chick into letting us take the booth for half the price. Nothing beats singing Bohemian Rhapsody while speeding along at 60 mph. We arrived at our destination safetly and luckily all singed out so we snagged a quaint little love motel to spend the night in.

The next morning we awoke and decided to head towards the main attraction of the city ... a cruise ship on top of the cliff which has been turned into a hotel. After a quick detour on the beach we arrived and got a room that was far nicer then the love motels I have grown so accustomed to. Once we got settled I decided I'd take Lauren to a nice lunch for her birthday week so we headed up to the hotel restaurant. Luckily Will decided to stumble in later and not only pay for both our meals and buy an expensive bottle of wine. Not only that but he insisted on teaching me high class table manners ... this coming from the guy that had been drinking hennesey since noon. After a nice lunch we retired to the room so we could get ready for the evening. Will "fell asleep" and when he woke up I decided it would be fun to try to convince him it was midnight (it was 6 p.m.). We strung him along on that lie for quite a while until we decided we would head down to the city. Being on a cliff, we didn't have a way to get down so we decided to ask a nice young Korean couple to give us a ride down. They obliged so we took them out for dinner and drinks after. Their English was pretty shotty but everybody here understands the language of SoJu and shot glasses so we all got along. We retired to the room for an early sleep so we could wake up and watch the sunrise over the ocean.

7 a.m. came all too quick but the sight was amazing and well worth rubbing the sleep outta my eyes. After checking out of the hotel we spent the rest of the day on the beach collecting sea shells and sea glass ... I will never grow up. Unfortunately, I didn't have a bucket or a shovel so no sandcastles were built but you still gotta love being on a beach in December wearing full winter attire. We hopped on the train and took home a collection of shells and memories that will be with us forever (ha, I'm pretty sure the shells will only be around for another week).

This weekend we have mid-training but my school decided that I can't go because "I've had enough training" which translates to "we don't want to give you Thursday and Friday off". Instead of getting a vacation in Seoul I get to continue teaching ... or have my kids watch movies the next two days because I'm not suppose to be here anyways and think I'm getting jipped big time.

I hope all is well with you all in America and I hope more importantly that my kids enjoy watching Christmas movies for the next two days ... maybe I do need more training ...

I always thought I'd catch H1N1 the day that pigs fly but unfortunately last week the Swine Flu

What began as a lovely weekend in Seoul ended with a boring week in bed. We went to Seoul on Saturday to partake in our favorite all you can drink all you can eat buffet at the Hilton. It was delicious as usual and once again a pleasure to drink wine that didn't taste like it was made by Welch's. We next ventured to the casino next door. Only foreigners are allowed into casinos in Korea because evidently it's illegal for them to gamble. I feel like building a casino in a country where gambling is illegal isn't the best business venture but then again as long as you can just sucker a few people into chasing the almighty jackpot you're probably still making bank. The casino was fun but we called it an early night because we had a great day planned at the zoo on Sunday.

I awoke Sunday and was very excited to go to the zoo but unfortunately I was more excited to find a toilet to call some dinosaurs in. Hoping the vomitting had been induced by the champaign and wine from the night before I didn't think much of it and we went to the zoo. This zoo had everything including bathrooms that had mirrors in them so you could watch the animals while doing your business. I thought that was a great idea. As the day wore on I began becoming more and more pale which is the exact opposite of what happens to me at the zoo. Usually I need one of those little kid leashes just so you can keep up with me ... I love animals. Finally by the end of the day I felt as though I could barely stand and had to cancel our dinner plans in Seoul so that I could get to my bed and sleep. Once again my plans were to change as I didn't sleep more than an hour that night due to my coughing, chills, and pain. The doctor confirmed my worst fear the next day and sent me to quarentine in my room where I was to remain for a week.

I don't get what the big fuss with this flu is. After two days of rest I felt perfectly fine and was able to carry on with my life. Unfortunately the school wouldn't let me return to work so I went and bought a Tech Deck and that fingerboard along with many online movies took up the majority of my week. There were definitely much more productive things I could have done, but grinding on the sides of books and watching Zombieland was just too much fun.

Know what movie you should never see? The Time Traveler's Wife. Lauren claimed the book was very good and was excited to see it came to theaters here so by using a rock hammer and 19 years of patience I broke out of shawshank prison and went to the movie with her. Ten minutes into the movie she turned to me and said "This isn't that much like the book" and I figured, well it's a movie and they change a lot so didn't give her comment much thought. Forty five minutes into the movie she turns to me and says "Wait! I didn't read the Time Traveler's Wife ... I read the Time Keeper's Daughter!" Though this mistake was very comical and easy to make, I still had to watch Eric Bana emerge from the woods naked and convince a little girl that he was going to marry her some day. With that kind of pedophiliac tone I thought we had accidently went to Michael Jackson's "This Is It" (too soon?).

Good news! I recieved a generous care package from my parents which included the battery charger for my camera so now I can take plenty of great pictures to show you all my adventures. I don't have anything left to report but we will hopefully be doing a temple stay this weekend. I hope they don't find out a killed a praying mantis but what's the worst a monk can do to you ... the silent treatment maybe?

I hope you all stored enough nuts and berries for the upcoming winter. Stay warm and keep your stick on the ice.

I know why the caged mantis prays ...

Hello Yankee Doodles,

I'm well aware that I should be posting more, I just keep losing track of time and before I know it, I'm two weeks late, but low and behold I'm back with updates on Korea!

After the Jazz festival school remained the same aside from the fact students are dropping off like flies (with swine flu) and my classes continue to get smaller. I hear it's just as bad there so make sure you are all wearing your masks. People here wear masks to prevent themselves from getting the flu. I think gloves would be a little more practical because that darn virus is going to find a way into your body one way or another but who am I to judge. To each its own.

We ventured to Seoul two weekends ago with the intention of going to the Hilton's happy hour buffet. They had Cheese and good wine ... enough to make any Frenchman or deprived American happy. It was very good and a most excellent decision.

Since we were with our good buddy Will he introduced us to Homo Hill. Homo Hill is exactly what it sounds like ... it's where all the gay bars are in Seoul. It was funny and I couldn't believe a place existed in such a close minded society. Wine, Cheese, and Homosexuals ... I felt like I had taken a bus straight out of Korea for the weekend but come Sunday I was more than willing to head back to Wonju.

I introduced Halloween to my classes and I'm pretty sure the only message they took from it was Halloween = candy but then again they weren't that far from the truth. We made masks and watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas" for a good chunk of the week. I tried my best to explain the movie but they didn't understand that the "Pumpkin king with the skeleton grin could grow so tired of the same old thing" ... they didn't get the metaphor.

Once the Halloween festivities had finished at school I began an adventure of my own, trying my hardest to find a Halloween costume. I don't really like the analogy "finding a needle in a haystack" because needles aren't generally in haystacks to start with so why would you try to find one in there. I feel like shoelaces and bath robes are generally found in department stores, however, none were to be found and they seemed shocked that we even asked if they had them. It was like "finding a shoelace in a store that sold shoes with laces"... it should have been easy but was far from it. We ended up finding some sweet children's blankets with adorable little panda and pig hoods. These were easily manipulated into panda and pig costumes and I think we pulled them off pretty well. Though only 10 people dressed up for the Halloween party that one of our friends rented out the bar for, the 3 that did not dress as "nerds" (most popular costume) really looked like a million bucks. Especially Will in his "Absolut Devil" costume inspired by the vodka brand. We played the cards we were dealt and did a sweet job bringing Halloween to Korea, which I couldn't be happier about.

I end this post with devistating news. Since my last post there was in fact a new addition to my family who only spent a short time in my presence. A friend of mine had found me the praying mantis I had been "praying" for. She was beautiful and very kind. Her name was Pickle. Her favorite game was "got your nose" and as far as I know it was the only game she knew how to play but I tell you she played it well. I had spent every night gathering her bugs and watching her eat various things at it had become a very enjoyable pass time. As we all know, good things don't last forever and the cold air mixed with the end of praying mantis season soon proved to be too much for this graceful creature. She passed peacefully in the night and I like to think her last thoughts were of the fun times we shared but most likely they were about bugs she's eaten, sticks she's climbed, and mate's she has devoured after copulation. Her time in my life was short but her memory will live on forever as I too now know why the caged mantis prays ... Peace, love, and empathy to you all and live your lives to the fullest.

Chuenchon and all that Jazz

Hello America,

It seems I haven't been posting as much as I promised but this time around I will try even harder to keep up with the blog.

Last weekend we ventured to Chuenchon for a Jazz Festival and it was fantastic. The festival was set on an island surrounded by mountains so as the sun set it was one of atmospheres I had ever been lucky enough to be a part of. The music was very good including a Jazz cover of Nirvana's Heart Shaped box as well as a cover of Britney Spears' Toxic. The first day of the festival was very relaxing which was nice because the following day would be much more hilarious.

Attempting to find a hotel at 10 pm proved much more difficult than I had imagined. After the first 3 hotels I was beginning to empathize with Mary and Joseph ... there was just no room at the inn for baby Jesus. At last we found a quiet little motel in a back ally which welcomed us with toothbrushes and razorblades. The dark back ally should have been the first sign that this was no Holiday Inn but the complimentary personal hygene products really got me excited to see what we were in for. The room actually wasn't that bad and mildly clean. There were a lot of extra blankets and they were even kind enough to leave a profalactic next to the bedstand ... I guess they were all out of mints. Finally it was clear that we had booked a "love hotel", something people had been talking about since we got here. Unfortunately we had booked a crappy love motel and I was dissapointed we hadn't shopped around because people were telling us about ones with flatscreen T.V.s, different colored lightings, and "adult" vending machines in the rooms ... that would have been hilarious.

We were happy to awake the next morning and find ourselves not murdered by drug dealers or pimps and set off for day two of the Jazz festival. The weather was amazing and that day we got the pleasure of hanging out with our good old friend Will. I say old friend because he really is old ... like 46 or something but he won't admit it. He has been a very fun person to hang out with in Wonju due to his hilarious antics and lack of a sensor so we figured he could really liven up the Jazz festival and boy did he ever. His favorite game to play was to ask any Korean couple with a camera if they wanted him to take a picture of them. After they agreed and Will snapped the pic he would instantly turn and run off the other direction. Their reactions were priceless. Some people chased him and others just sat there looking sad. It was all in good fun and most of them found it really funny and wanted a picture with him after so they could remember the prank. Will also decided a fun game would be to army crawl up to people when they weren't looking and see what he could sneak back and set next to our table. People really look confused when the bike they had sitting next to them somehow moved 10 feet and is now sitting with a table of white people. All these things did a good job of making me laugh. We had a great spot that allowed us to listen to a Korean band cover Radiohead's Creep four different times and I managed to muscle my way through the crowd to get a free CD of theirs. God bless their small stature. The night ended with good music and good company and we headed back to Wonju with a much better appreciation of Jazz and comedy.

We went out last night (Tuesday) for dinner and drinks with some friends and were welcomed with free food at two different restaurants. The first place had cement floors and poorly insulated walls so I can only imagine what it's like in the winter but I will be returning soon due to the fact the owner gave us free chicken breast and chicken foot because "the men are so handsome and the women are so beautiful". If tipping wasn't insulting to people I would have given here a whopper for her flattery.

We might be heading to a Rice festival this weekend but the jury is still out on that one. I bought a KBA Basketball here so I would like to play with that soon too. I will keep you posted on my adventures and I end with one final thing ... Damn you Nick Punto ... Damn you.

Ain't No Mountain High Enough ...

Hello America the Beautiful,

I'm trying to get better about my postings on here but thank you to my loyal followers ... when buddha's birthday roles around your loyalty will not be forgotten.  

Last Saturday we climbed a mountain as I had spoke about earlier.  There is no way to say this with out sounding like a fool, but when they say climb a mountain ... I didn't know you would be CLIMBING a mountain.  We "climbed" a mountain during orientation but I guess that was more of hiking.  That one was walking up slight inclines on a well paved path.  The mountain in Wonju took 4 hours to get to the top and it was the hardest work out I've had since mile repeats in cross-country.  You walk 2 kilometers on a nice path and then you get to spend some time playing in a little stream until you start the second half of the mountain ... which takes 3 more hours.  It starts with a 400 step staircase ... no biggy ... followed by upwards of 50 more sets of stairs taking you up.  When I say stairs, I mean anything resembling a stair.  Half are man made, half are rocks made to look like stairs by man.  The stairs really aren't the worst part ... it's the places that don't have stairs that get you.  At one point there was a 3-4 foot wide rock path with 50 foot drops on each side and in order to cross it you had to jump over a gap in the rocks.  Not what I expected.  The worst part was watching all of these old people who hike the mountain every weekend pass you in their hardcore mountain climbing gear and tell you "don't give up" and "you're almost there".  I also liked the guy who told me I needed mountain climbing shoes ... you're right sir, I realized that seven steps into the first stair set.  As brutal as it was going up, it was probably the most rewarding experience of my life as I stood on top of the mountain and could see everything.  Our city was probably a good 30 minutes away but you could see it from the top of the mountain which made the trip worth it.  It took only about 2 and a half hours to get down but with each step I got more disappointed that I didn't achieve my one true goal ... find a praying mantis.  All the kids in my class told me the mountains would be the best place to find one and I have been searching since the moment we came here for a pet praying mantis.  I'm literally the only person I've talked to who hasn't seen one.  I think a praying mantis is pretty similar to the food in neverland or santa clauses workshop ... you can only see it if you believe in it and I no longer believe praying mantis' exist.

Sunday we made a trip to Seoul to meet up with friends and to find mexican food.  Mexican food in Korea is what you think Mexican food in Korea would be like ... not good and confusing.  I miss mexican restaurants where you are able to buy a plate of food that will take a minimum of 2 months of your life by eating all the greasy bad food.  Itaweon (where we went) is suppose to be very westernized and I was very excited to see all the MLB hat stands there.  Unfortunately one team didn't make the list and unfortunately it wasn't the brewers ... it was my hometown heroes the Minnesota Twins.  Each stand would have a surprising new team that you hadn't seen at others but after seeing the diamondbacks, the astros, and even the montreal expos (COME ON!) there wasn't a Twins hat in sight.  I left with a heavy heart and hopes that someday Korea will wise up.

On a positive note, I have seen some great things here that have made me happy.  Last Wednesday I found the Watchmen graphic novels all in Korean but half the price as they are in the U.S.  God bless the nerd in me who knows a comic book deal when they find one.  Also ... they have random pirate DVD stands when you get in big cities and they had the movie "Harsh Times" in the mix of the other big names.  I couldn't even find that DVD in the U.S. for the longest time so kudos to you Korea .... now pirate me a damn Twins hat.  The surprising lists of movies I find on T.V. here continues to grow with new additions such as "Underdog", "When Harry met Sally" and "P.S. I love you".  I also had the pleasure of watching a prison break marathon ... every episode in 3 days.  Those fools didn't realize after season one the show is no longer prison "break", it's prison "break in, break out, run, get caught, break in, break out, break back in because they forgot their car keys, break out, stop for lunch, get caught again, break out, break in, break out ... over" ... I guess that wouldn't have fit on the DVD case though.  How does one man break out of prison 3 times?  Just watch him a little closer or something.  No hard feelings though, they were all innocent and deserved their freedom it just got too ridiculous for me but I still chose that over watching 24 hour Starcraft on T.V.

I don't have anything else to report.  Oh wait yes I do ... I lost my apartment keys on the only Korean holiday of the semester.  We went to play football and I forgot to pick them up so Lauren and I searched the park at 2 am trying to find them and finally gave up.  I called my mentor teacher to ask her to call my landlord but Korea again blows my mind with the fact that your landlord doesn't have a spare key.  If he/she ever knocks on my door for any reason they are not getting in so I can prove a point.  I had to get a locksmith to come and break in, replace my locks, and charge me up the ying yang so I could get in.

Ok now I really don't have anything else to report.  I hope everything is going well for all of you and you are staying out of prison.  I miss you guys and next time I climb a mountain I'll make sure it's high enough to wave to you.

Who wants to be a millionaire ... in Korean won

Good Morning Vietnam!

I hope all is going well in America and I'm sure everyone's getting pumped to watch the Twins make their classic last minute run at the play offs.  I'm still saying that the last game at the dome will be game seven world series ... keep your fingers crossed.  Not a whole lot is new here.  My neighbor still thinks she's Celine Dion and sings at the top of her voice most days but at least I got Lauren here who will belt out "All My Life" at the top of her lungs until the chick takes a hint.  Always good for a laugh.  We went to the only dance club that lets white people in in Wonju and to be honest I wish they wouldn't have.  White people = creepy army guys and dance club = loud shitty music and a tiny dance floor.  It wasn't a total loss though because they did play "stanky leg" so I got my first opportunity to bust out my wicked dance moves.  I definitely had the stankiest leg there so that was nice.  I also got lost for the first time in Korea because I decided it was smart to try to walk home from the club.  An hour and a half later when I returned home I realized it wasn't.  

School remained typical this week except for the fact I got kicked in the shin by a little girl for giving a sticker to someone who evidently didn't deserve it.  Screw you Ashley, Silver deserved the sticker. 

Oh, we went bowling last weekend before the dance club and it was great.  It was really hard to describe my shoe size because it was in centimeters but they finally caught on to what "bigfoot" meant.  We played boys vs. girls and the boys had a very poor showing.  I won't say who won but the boys didn't not lose.   

I think we're going to try to hike a mountain this weekend and possibly make a trip to Seoul so hopefully I will have pictures and funny stories to post next week.  I miss all you crazy Americans and hope things are going swimmingly.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY KANE! I'm sorry I couldn't be there for it.

P.S.  I become a millionare (in won) tomorrow so if anyone wants a lil piece of that action you should start sucking up now.

Godlovesdeaftone

Not a whole lot has changed since my last post, however, last night Lauren and I went out for beer and chicken with friends which is always fun.  Within a minute of being there I knocked the glass holding the napkins onto the floor shattering it.  These things happen.  The food was fabulous as usual and it was even funnier when the waitress tried to talk us out of ordering buffalo wings because most Korean's don't finish the plate because it's too salty.  Little do they know that every restaurant table in the U.S. has a mandatory salt shaker to ensure our Sodium levels never drop below dangerously high.  The night ended with a three way cribbage match and squid jerky ... always a good time.  

Anyways, the real reason I posted tonight was because of the two ridiculous things I witnessed today.  First off, as I was killing time before school I did the most American thing I could think of ... sat on my ass and watched T.V.  The only show in English was VH1's "most fabulous life" and the topic was "celebrities families".  Please bear in mind Korea is probably 3 years behind in all American pop culture news so the episode I watched had Ashlee Simpson as the most promising celebrity family member.  I wish it was the early 90's so I would have had the chance to watch VH1 claim that Milly Vanilly would be the next big thing because that's the only analogy I can think of to describe that scenerio.  Thank God I have yet to see an SNL episode here because the Koreans would be crushed if they realized the next Simpson prodigy can't sing a note and even though her sister was the same way, doesn't have any sort of sex appeal to fall back on.  It's a tough world Ashlee but move to Korea and you can maybe pick up the "Pieces" of your career.

This was the first thing I witnessed today.  After coming home from work I drifted off to sleep while watching the Tommy Lee Jones smash hit "Volcano".  I awoke because though my T.V. was on, there was a much louder noise seeping its way into my room.  Naturally thinking a loud show had came on I looked at the T.V. only to realize it was an infomercial for some product I can't pronounce and this horrendous singing had to be coming from elsewhere.  I tracked the sound to my storage closet where the adjacent window had a woman sitting in front of a mirror singing her voice out.  I watched in bewilderment hoping I'd see another person emerge and laugh because this girl was trying to be such a comedian.  Unfortunately I had no such luck.  This girl was literally singing as loud as she could into the mirror with more passion then Rudy in the last minute of his feature film.  After a minute of confusion I decided the only way to send my life back into forward progress was to play Atmosphere as loud as possible hoping she would get the point.  Naturally I chose the song "Godlovesugly" (nothing against her ... well maybe her voice ... it's just my favorite song) and when the song had completed I looked outside and saw the window was shut and she was nowhere to be seen.  Only in Korea my friends, only in Korea.  I hope all is still going well and enjoy college football because pressing reload on ESPN.com doesn't compare to the real thing.

"Kindergarten Cop" is called "The Man Who Went to Kindergarten" in Korea

Oofta, I didn't realize it's been so long since my last post but I promise to get on a better schedule.  I can't say my life has been that hectic this last week but it's been an experience.  On Friday (the 28th) we had my welcoming dinner at my school.  I received a bouquet of flowers which made me feel like Ms. America (they forgot to give me a crown but that probably comes later in the mail or something).  After this, all of the teachers and I went out to dinner.  School dinners here differ greatly from any dinner I've previously had with co-workers in the sense that drinking is mandatory.  I'm not just saying that, you have a shot glass with your meal and it is constantly full of SoJu which luckily is starting to taste SoSo and I can tolerate it.  Most teachers were intimidated to talk to me at first but after a little liquid courage everyone wanted to test their English on me.  I received invitations to go rock climbing, play tennis, play billiards, and eat soup with various drunk teachers but when the morning came most were scared to talk to me again.  I'll just wait for the next school function for them to not be scared again.  

Unfortunately my co-teacher Heebok could not make it to the dinner but we did get to go out with a big group of TaLK scholars and their co-teachers on Monday.  Heebok and I finished our lesson planning early so we returned to my apartment to wait for dinner where we were pleasantly surprised by a legendary Arnold movie on.  In Korea they call it "The Man Who Went to Kindergarten" but we all know it as the one and only "Kindergarten Cop".  I have never seen someone become so engulfed in the plot as Heebok was.  We had to leave 20 minutes before the climactic ending and at one point during the night Heebok turned to me and said that he really wished he knew how that movie ended.  Looks like I know what he's getting in his stocking this Christmas.  I'm sure they sell that in a two pack with "Jingle all the Way" so it'll work out perfectly.  It was fun to see everyone and the night ended with Nareybong (I don't know how to spell it but it means Kareoke).  For the second time I felt compelled to rap "Forgot about Dre" just because I know all of Eminem's lines.  I don't do so well during Dre's parts.  Lauren and I also received a perfect score for our "Barbie Girl" duet which proves to all you haters that all the time we spent listening to that Aqua CD on cabin trips paid off.

I'm beginning to get a good feel for the layout of the city I'm living in.  There's a movie theater right down the street and a fire station which serves as a good landmark to tell taxi drivers to take me to.  Eventually they are going to think I either keep getting my cat stuck in a tree or have a fetish for little asian men in uniform.  Either way it belittles my manhood.  There's a nice outlet center near my place which has an English book store but I don't really trust their credentials.  They have a "speacial" way of spelling things and their. punction. isn't. always. the. best.  

I finally began teaching on Tuesday and I love it.  I teach a fourth, fifth, and sixth grade class and have around 30 students total.  The small classes are easy to control and my kids are much smarter than I thought.  I was dissapointed that most already had English names but there were some kids in my fourth grade class that got the pleasure of choosing from the list of my friends names.  Congrats Kevin, John, Dan, Tom, and Kane ... you all have a Korean prodigy.  Everyday I start my classes by showing them a clip from something from America.  So far the Anamaniac's nations song and Kermit the Frogs brilliant melody "rainbow connection" have made it here to Korea but I would love more suggestions.  I can't think of anything too comical that's happened in class but during passing time a little girl introduced herself to me and a student from my class (Steve) came up and told me not to talk to her because she is bad to which she raised her middle finger at him and yelled "Fuck you!" and started chasing him down the hall.  Good job little girl, you sure proved Steve wrong with your lady like behavior.  I need to prepare lesson plans for the week so I'm going to cut this short and I'll try to post again later this week but I end this post with my warmest wishes to all of you in America and a big salute to the red, white, and blue.

Disoriented and Delighted

Orientation is over and I'm happy.  I was very sick of being oriented all the time but luckily after all of it I feel much more oriental. HA!  I was going to try to post something during the last stretch of orientation where we were moved to our province but the five star hotel we were put up in didn't have internet in the room.  I'm serious it was a five star hotel and it was on the beach and each person was given there own room which was twice the size of any hotel room I've ever seen.  They forgot to put a bed in it though but everyone makes mistakes and I was content with the mats on the floor.  The last stretch of orienation was fantastic and though the classes were very mundane, we got to spend every night on the beach hanging out.  Dillon, you would love the roman candles here, they are really cheap and shoot a lot more fire balls than US ones.  I got to meet my Korean Scholar who will be co-teaching with me all year and he is quite the character.  His name is Hee-pok and he loves saying funny things.  He initially asked if it was OK to say "for shizzle my nizzle".  He also busted out the term "abso-fucking-lutely" which blew my mind.  Evidently he's a passionate guy who loves snoop dogg ... typical Korean male.  I learned a lot of fun Korean drinking games on the beach and the first night there, a small group of us TaLK scholars joined a bunch of Korean co-workers who were drinking and playing the guitar on the beach.  I really like acoustic songs played sang to in Korean and they even let me play for them.  We also learned my new favorite phrase ... "Sa-rli-go".  Evidently it means something like "don't stop" or "keep it going" and it's really fun to start yelling because everybody starts yelling it too and it's the closest thing I could find to peer pressure here so I felt right back at home.  Here is a list of the fun drinking games I've learned on the beach (all are played while sitting in a big circle of people) ...

1.  Baskin Robins 31 - you are allowed to say up to 3 consecutive numbers and you go around the circle counting and who ever gets stuck with saying 31 loses.

2.  Eat the watermelon - in this game, you have a fun little chant at the start and then you have to pretend to eat a watermelon and you can do a hand action that either sends it to the left, right, or skips the next person.  It's a great way to promote healthy eating.

3.  Catch the Mouse - in this game, you first chant (in Korean of course), "catch the mouse catch the mouse catch catch catch!" and the person who starts yells out how many mice they are going to catch.  After this you go around the circle and people can either yell "miss" or "catch" and once the correct number of mice are caught you yell "CAUGHT THEM!" and the slowest person to do so loses.  Don't worry, the game "mouse trap" is still the most efficient way of catching mice in my opinion.

After all the fun times on the beach it was finally time to head to my final residence, the city of Wonju.  It's the largest city in our province and I am working in a pretty nice school downtown.  I met my Principal, Vice Principal, and Mentor Teacher yesterday and they were all way too nice to me.  Though my Mentor Teacher is the only one who speaks English (and very well), the others seem very nice.  I thought my Principal was impressed that I bowed and said "Anneyong hashimika" (the most formal hello you can give) but my mentor teacher told me he said that I was a very good looking man.  I thought I was the one with the sense of humor but I'll let his joke slide this one time.  After meeting the kind folks, I was taken to my apartment which was much nicer than any place I have ever lived during my college years.  It's a fully furnished studio but it has a seperate storage room and laundry room/balcony.  I'm in a very nice neighborhood but I think I got stared down and yelled at by a group of drunk old men yesterday.  Fortunately the three of them placed on each others shoulders still wouldn't be able to look into my eyes so I just avoided there angry little gazes.  I don't have a whole lot more to report but I will end with one more list ... movies/TV shows from the US they show in Korea.

1.  Eraser - this action packed thrill ride starring California's beloved governer helps Korea learn great catch phrases such as "you're luggage" (Arnold's response to shooting an alligator in the head)

2.  The TV show "Cheaters" - this was probably the most surprising thing to see on TV and I have no idea how they translate the profanity shouted by the person being cheated on into Korean.  I have a feeling that "get out of my house you dirty tramp" doesn't have a direct translation.  "Please exit my place of residence you unclean person who embarks on many physical encounters" might work.

3.  The Rock - I was really happy to watch this movie and I hope if a kid in my class wants an English name he picks Stanley Goodspeed.

4.  Memento - that's just incredibly mean to do to someone who doesn't speak English.  It might take a few go's by a native english speaker to understand what really happens in that movie and how sweet it is, but you can't tease other countries with it.  

5.  Daylight -  Kane, I know you're smiling as you read that.  Yes, I got to watch Daylight in Korea and Stallone does not miss a beat in this academy award nominated movie.  I'm not kidding, Daylight was honestly up for an oscar for best visual effects and rightly so.  

Circle me in Korea Bert!

Hello America,

This weekend was filled with more fun Korean things.  On Friday night we made an attempt to go out in downtown Suwon but after many failed attempts to find a good place to go we ended up loitering in the middle of the streets.  A taxi driver also threw a water bottle at me after dropping us off because he thought it was mine.  The joke was on him however because he didn't find any of the garbage I actually did leave in there.  It wasn't a total loss though because numerous drunk Koreans wanted to take pictures with our big group of white people and some old man even gave Lauren a small stuffed dog.  Talk about hospitality.  The following morning Lauren and I set off on an adventure to find Jamsil Stadium, home of the LG Twins to watch a Korean professional baseball game.  After an excellent job navigating through buses and subways we came to the stadium which is across the street from the Seoul Sports Complex which housed the 1988 olympic games and was very cool to see.  I'm sorry Minnesota, but the LG Twins fans are much more entertaining and the games are fantastic.  Despite the sorrow I felt after not seeing a single "Circle me Bert!" sign, I loved the constant chanting and cheering and it's even more fun to not know Korean because you just get to yell loud noises and try to follow along with the rest of the group.  Some of their songs had melodies similar to "No we ain't gunna take it", "Go tell it on the mountain", and a very familiar chant that yelled "OK!" at the end rather than let's go.  They settle for mediocrity here. I got many bewildered looks for wearing my Joe Mauer jersey or because I was one of few white people there or possibly even because I was accidently yelling strange sentences when I attempted to chant with them.  I guess I'll never know.  To keep with the American theme we went to TGI Fridays that night and it was not very good.  It definitely topped the charts of worst restaurant thus far.  Sunday was a much needed resting day after the full day of walking around Seoul the night before so we took it easy.  Nothing too exciting happened except for receiving two pine cones from a nice man who worked at some park with the second biggest (I don't know what) in (I couldn't understand where either).  Bear in mind I have yet to see anything even close to resembling a pine tree around here but evidently after learning we were from America (the land of pine cones maybe?) he finally realized why he felt compelled to carry around a bag of pine cones in his pocket all these years and gave them to Lauren and myself.  See, God has a plan for us all.  With that in mind, I really hope the good Lord will finally let me win the bear dressed in a frog suit in the crane game across the street.  I have been very successful in my attempts at anything else but despite my many efforts he keeps evading my claw.  Seriously, this is the movie Vegas Vacation, I'm Clark Griswold, Frog Bear is Marty the blackjack dealer, and I am going to leave this place with no change left and in tears if I don't win that cheeky little bastard.  I end this post with an updated list of things I've learned about Korea.

1.  Red stop lights are merely a suggestion and most drivers ignore them.

2.  Anything with pavement constitutes as a street because you're constantly dodging cars and mopeds regardless of your location.

3.  In summary of the last two points ... the drivers license test here is most likely an instructor watching you play Grand Theft Auto and if your felony level stays under three stars and you hit five or less civilians you pass ... top of your class.

4.  No matter how foreign and confused you look, natives will continue to talk to you purely in Korean very very fast and assume you understand.  Smiling and nodding has become my only response.

Good luck to anyone starting classes soon and I hope you had a great summer.  Keep in touch and I will see you where the red fern grows. 

Dodgeball: a True Lauren Pockl Story

Today was sports day for us TaLK scholars.  Each class (there were eight total) competed against each other in Dodgeball and a relay race (there was also a human rope but that was stupid so I don't talk about it).  We naturally selected the name Dream-u team to instill fear in our enemies as well as remind us all of how great America is at things.  Let me tell you friends, we lived up to our expectations.  After two thrilling matches, Dream-u team displayed its dominance and made it to the championship game.  There was a catch however; only the girls could play in the championship game.  Though most would think this would make it a less than desirable thing to watch, we had a secret weapon who was later given the nick name "cannon" and would go on to become a legendary dodgeballer for TaLK scholars to talk of for generations.  In case it isn't obvious by now, it was Lauren.  Not only did she manage to catch and intercept any ball that came her way, but she single handedly took down at least a third of the other team.  Now you may think I'm exaggerating a bit and a little bias, but not only did she receive a cheer and a shotgun solute from our whole team, she also was congratulated by the MC of the evening for her performance.  Way to represent for America Lauren and please don't ever throw things at me when I make you mad (she was inches away from breaking two girls faces).  Unfortunately due to some faulty point systems and the bogus human rope, team Dream-u finished in a dismal second.  Though team Dream-u may never be spoken of again, there is not a person on this campus who wouldn't quiver in fear at the sight of Lauren with a dodgeball in her hand.

I got Seoul but I'm not a Seouldier

Hello America.  This weekend we got to take a field trip into Seoul to watch the show Nanta (as seen on broadway) and to venture around the city.  They must have only been picking the most awkward looking American people from the audience because I got brought on stage to take part in a sweet cooking contest.  The good news is I brought home the gold for America and was even able to entertain the crowd with an adorable little dance after my victory.  It was great and I'm expecting a call any day now with an offer to permanently join the show.  After the show we got shipped off to downtown Seoul where I got to see lots of great things at the market place.  There were numerous funny shirts there including (but not limited to) "Phillies Cowboys" ... two very unrelated sports teams ... "I'm hottest" ... he wasn't even that hot ... and a very inappropriately dressed woman wearing a shirt that said "I'm so fucking Disco" ... that chick loved the Village People.  With dinner I had my first taste of SoJu and it tasted SoBad.  People drink it with most meals but it basically tastes like Karkov mixed with water.  I also found out later that a 3000 cc pitcher of beer is much larger than my head.  It's the first time anything on this planet has ever been bigger than my head; I feel defeated.  While sitting outside of a restaurant we made a small Korean friend (possibly 3 years old) and found out something great: in Korea if a little kid drops his pants next to a tree his parents will merely push him closer to the tree and allow him to "water" it.   We were able to navigate our way back to campus by bus (which is very uplifting) where we were immediately met by two drunken scholars offering us rice wine.  Luckily a paper bag floated by or a shiny light caught there eyes and they continued their drunken meandering up the street.  I also found out that there are crane games all over Korea and it's very easy to win them.  Yes, most of your souveniers will be won rather than bought for you.  

Today (Sunday) we decided to venture around the city of Suwon which is where the campus we currently reside at is located.  Not a lot of craziness occured but I did try Korean's take on pizza and with each pizza you get sweet pickles and honey mustard on the side ... that makes sense to me.  To keep on the American theme of the day we went and saw the movie G.I. Joe.  The first show was sold out and instead of being dissapointed I was happy to see Koreans taking an interest in American things like explosions and Marlen Wayans.  We had 9 p.m. curfew tonight so we had to return to our dorm rooms where I accidently bought ion supply drink instead of water.  I thought "Pocari Sweat" meant Cold Refreshing H20 ... damn this language barrier!  Sports day is tomorrow so I will continue to try to represent for the red white and blue because these colors don't run ... except during the sports day relay race.

After this post, I doubt I'll be posting on a daily bases because tomorrow I start my first day of classes and who wants to hear about school when you're having summer in America.  Today I got to see more great things.  I went to a store called Home Plus which basically is what you get if you take Target and Cub and stuff them in Ikea's tummy.  I bought an iron, hangers, and shampoo and guess what? Shampoo was the most expensive.   I hate all the politics that come with hair hygene products and I'm sure you do too.  We had our opening ceremony today which entailed a Tae Kwon Doe show, a little kids choir, a b-boy break dancing group, and 3 ladies playing "Let it be" on stringed instruments.  After watching the things Tae Kwon Doe-ers can break and kick out of the air I want to grow up and be one.  One guy was blindfolded and kicked an apple off a sword with some sort of street fighter back flip kick.  You can't make that stuff up people.  The low point of the ceremony was having to get your temperature taken because we have to do that everyday.  I don't like swines or their flu and I hope they stop giving it to people so I can live a thermometer free life.  I did see another great shirt today though that said "I have something great in the sack".  I'm assuming that it was suppose to be a sexual reference but I like to believe the guy really has a sack filled with great things in it.  I hope your lives are all still good and don't worry, I'm still ... proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free ... 

Brock's first day of Korea

I landed safely in Korea and with the help of some most excellent sleeping pills from walgreens I slept for 10 hours on the plane.  After an hour and a half bus ride to Seoul I settled in to my cozy little dorm room with my new roomate Obid or maybe it's Odib.  Time will only tell what shenanigans we get into.  Instead of sleeping once we got to the dorms, Lauren and I decided to go on a field trip to a nice little Korean Village where we got to feed a cow hay and watch a traditional dance.  Remember Will Ferrels beautiful twirly wand routine at the end of Old School?  Well the traditional dance was basically like that, except the twirly wands were attached to their heads and sometimes they would break dance.  Fantastic.  Due to a shortage of drinking fountains, Lauren decided to scoop handfuls of water out of a waterful.  Just Lauren being Lauren!  Enjoy the dysentary.  We then got to go to Nam June Paik's art gallery and let me tell you, he liked three things: TV's, Circuitry, and Pornography.  Our tour guide was a German with a lisp and hear I thought I had seen everything.  I got to watch a soccer match back on campus and walk around the city and now I'm all tuckered out.  Brock had a big day.  I end this post with a list of a few things I learned about Korea today.

1.  There are handicap accessible urinals so if you ever are crippled and still think peeing sitting down is for girls, this country is for you.

2.  Don't assume that just because someone is not Korean and in this country that they speak English, that's just racist.

3.  Evidently a removable shower faucet head attached to your bathroom sink in your dorm room counts as a shower.

4.  Korean's wearing random English words on shirts will always make you smile.

As a follow up to that fourth point I will make a valiant effort to find the greatest English shirt I see someone wearing.  The two that stood out today was a woman wearing a shirt that said "She is you" ... deep but confusing ... and a little kid wearing a shirt that said "looking for a big wave" 

Goodbye America! Hope you find your dad.

This will be the one and only post made on American soil.  Instead of having to individually tell people "what's new" and "what I've been up to", I decided I'd start this blog and allow you all to see for yourself.  I leave for Chicago at 7 a.m. tomorrow and from there head to South Korea, arriving on international soil Monday at 5 a.m. Korean time.  I believe that will be 3 p.m. Apple Valley time (I'll be 14 hours in the future if anyone wants the powerball numbers or sports scores).  I will miss you all along with the streets that raised me but I promise to return someday with stories, presents, and knowledge of Korea.  Good luck to all you crackers and honkys and please keep in touch.