Disoriented and Delighted

Orientation is over and I'm happy.  I was very sick of being oriented all the time but luckily after all of it I feel much more oriental. HA!  I was going to try to post something during the last stretch of orientation where we were moved to our province but the five star hotel we were put up in didn't have internet in the room.  I'm serious it was a five star hotel and it was on the beach and each person was given there own room which was twice the size of any hotel room I've ever seen.  They forgot to put a bed in it though but everyone makes mistakes and I was content with the mats on the floor.  The last stretch of orienation was fantastic and though the classes were very mundane, we got to spend every night on the beach hanging out.  Dillon, you would love the roman candles here, they are really cheap and shoot a lot more fire balls than US ones.  I got to meet my Korean Scholar who will be co-teaching with me all year and he is quite the character.  His name is Hee-pok and he loves saying funny things.  He initially asked if it was OK to say "for shizzle my nizzle".  He also busted out the term "abso-fucking-lutely" which blew my mind.  Evidently he's a passionate guy who loves snoop dogg ... typical Korean male.  I learned a lot of fun Korean drinking games on the beach and the first night there, a small group of us TaLK scholars joined a bunch of Korean co-workers who were drinking and playing the guitar on the beach.  I really like acoustic songs played sang to in Korean and they even let me play for them.  We also learned my new favorite phrase ... "Sa-rli-go".  Evidently it means something like "don't stop" or "keep it going" and it's really fun to start yelling because everybody starts yelling it too and it's the closest thing I could find to peer pressure here so I felt right back at home.  Here is a list of the fun drinking games I've learned on the beach (all are played while sitting in a big circle of people) ...

1.  Baskin Robins 31 - you are allowed to say up to 3 consecutive numbers and you go around the circle counting and who ever gets stuck with saying 31 loses.

2.  Eat the watermelon - in this game, you have a fun little chant at the start and then you have to pretend to eat a watermelon and you can do a hand action that either sends it to the left, right, or skips the next person.  It's a great way to promote healthy eating.

3.  Catch the Mouse - in this game, you first chant (in Korean of course), "catch the mouse catch the mouse catch catch catch!" and the person who starts yells out how many mice they are going to catch.  After this you go around the circle and people can either yell "miss" or "catch" and once the correct number of mice are caught you yell "CAUGHT THEM!" and the slowest person to do so loses.  Don't worry, the game "mouse trap" is still the most efficient way of catching mice in my opinion.

After all the fun times on the beach it was finally time to head to my final residence, the city of Wonju.  It's the largest city in our province and I am working in a pretty nice school downtown.  I met my Principal, Vice Principal, and Mentor Teacher yesterday and they were all way too nice to me.  Though my Mentor Teacher is the only one who speaks English (and very well), the others seem very nice.  I thought my Principal was impressed that I bowed and said "Anneyong hashimika" (the most formal hello you can give) but my mentor teacher told me he said that I was a very good looking man.  I thought I was the one with the sense of humor but I'll let his joke slide this one time.  After meeting the kind folks, I was taken to my apartment which was much nicer than any place I have ever lived during my college years.  It's a fully furnished studio but it has a seperate storage room and laundry room/balcony.  I'm in a very nice neighborhood but I think I got stared down and yelled at by a group of drunk old men yesterday.  Fortunately the three of them placed on each others shoulders still wouldn't be able to look into my eyes so I just avoided there angry little gazes.  I don't have a whole lot more to report but I will end with one more list ... movies/TV shows from the US they show in Korea.

1.  Eraser - this action packed thrill ride starring California's beloved governer helps Korea learn great catch phrases such as "you're luggage" (Arnold's response to shooting an alligator in the head)

2.  The TV show "Cheaters" - this was probably the most surprising thing to see on TV and I have no idea how they translate the profanity shouted by the person being cheated on into Korean.  I have a feeling that "get out of my house you dirty tramp" doesn't have a direct translation.  "Please exit my place of residence you unclean person who embarks on many physical encounters" might work.

3.  The Rock - I was really happy to watch this movie and I hope if a kid in my class wants an English name he picks Stanley Goodspeed.

4.  Memento - that's just incredibly mean to do to someone who doesn't speak English.  It might take a few go's by a native english speaker to understand what really happens in that movie and how sweet it is, but you can't tease other countries with it.  

5.  Daylight -  Kane, I know you're smiling as you read that.  Yes, I got to watch Daylight in Korea and Stallone does not miss a beat in this academy award nominated movie.  I'm not kidding, Daylight was honestly up for an oscar for best visual effects and rightly so.  

Circle me in Korea Bert!

Hello America,

This weekend was filled with more fun Korean things.  On Friday night we made an attempt to go out in downtown Suwon but after many failed attempts to find a good place to go we ended up loitering in the middle of the streets.  A taxi driver also threw a water bottle at me after dropping us off because he thought it was mine.  The joke was on him however because he didn't find any of the garbage I actually did leave in there.  It wasn't a total loss though because numerous drunk Koreans wanted to take pictures with our big group of white people and some old man even gave Lauren a small stuffed dog.  Talk about hospitality.  The following morning Lauren and I set off on an adventure to find Jamsil Stadium, home of the LG Twins to watch a Korean professional baseball game.  After an excellent job navigating through buses and subways we came to the stadium which is across the street from the Seoul Sports Complex which housed the 1988 olympic games and was very cool to see.  I'm sorry Minnesota, but the LG Twins fans are much more entertaining and the games are fantastic.  Despite the sorrow I felt after not seeing a single "Circle me Bert!" sign, I loved the constant chanting and cheering and it's even more fun to not know Korean because you just get to yell loud noises and try to follow along with the rest of the group.  Some of their songs had melodies similar to "No we ain't gunna take it", "Go tell it on the mountain", and a very familiar chant that yelled "OK!" at the end rather than let's go.  They settle for mediocrity here. I got many bewildered looks for wearing my Joe Mauer jersey or because I was one of few white people there or possibly even because I was accidently yelling strange sentences when I attempted to chant with them.  I guess I'll never know.  To keep with the American theme we went to TGI Fridays that night and it was not very good.  It definitely topped the charts of worst restaurant thus far.  Sunday was a much needed resting day after the full day of walking around Seoul the night before so we took it easy.  Nothing too exciting happened except for receiving two pine cones from a nice man who worked at some park with the second biggest (I don't know what) in (I couldn't understand where either).  Bear in mind I have yet to see anything even close to resembling a pine tree around here but evidently after learning we were from America (the land of pine cones maybe?) he finally realized why he felt compelled to carry around a bag of pine cones in his pocket all these years and gave them to Lauren and myself.  See, God has a plan for us all.  With that in mind, I really hope the good Lord will finally let me win the bear dressed in a frog suit in the crane game across the street.  I have been very successful in my attempts at anything else but despite my many efforts he keeps evading my claw.  Seriously, this is the movie Vegas Vacation, I'm Clark Griswold, Frog Bear is Marty the blackjack dealer, and I am going to leave this place with no change left and in tears if I don't win that cheeky little bastard.  I end this post with an updated list of things I've learned about Korea.

1.  Red stop lights are merely a suggestion and most drivers ignore them.

2.  Anything with pavement constitutes as a street because you're constantly dodging cars and mopeds regardless of your location.

3.  In summary of the last two points ... the drivers license test here is most likely an instructor watching you play Grand Theft Auto and if your felony level stays under three stars and you hit five or less civilians you pass ... top of your class.

4.  No matter how foreign and confused you look, natives will continue to talk to you purely in Korean very very fast and assume you understand.  Smiling and nodding has become my only response.

Good luck to anyone starting classes soon and I hope you had a great summer.  Keep in touch and I will see you where the red fern grows. 

Dodgeball: a True Lauren Pockl Story

Today was sports day for us TaLK scholars.  Each class (there were eight total) competed against each other in Dodgeball and a relay race (there was also a human rope but that was stupid so I don't talk about it).  We naturally selected the name Dream-u team to instill fear in our enemies as well as remind us all of how great America is at things.  Let me tell you friends, we lived up to our expectations.  After two thrilling matches, Dream-u team displayed its dominance and made it to the championship game.  There was a catch however; only the girls could play in the championship game.  Though most would think this would make it a less than desirable thing to watch, we had a secret weapon who was later given the nick name "cannon" and would go on to become a legendary dodgeballer for TaLK scholars to talk of for generations.  In case it isn't obvious by now, it was Lauren.  Not only did she manage to catch and intercept any ball that came her way, but she single handedly took down at least a third of the other team.  Now you may think I'm exaggerating a bit and a little bias, but not only did she receive a cheer and a shotgun solute from our whole team, she also was congratulated by the MC of the evening for her performance.  Way to represent for America Lauren and please don't ever throw things at me when I make you mad (she was inches away from breaking two girls faces).  Unfortunately due to some faulty point systems and the bogus human rope, team Dream-u finished in a dismal second.  Though team Dream-u may never be spoken of again, there is not a person on this campus who wouldn't quiver in fear at the sight of Lauren with a dodgeball in her hand.

I got Seoul but I'm not a Seouldier

Hello America.  This weekend we got to take a field trip into Seoul to watch the show Nanta (as seen on broadway) and to venture around the city.  They must have only been picking the most awkward looking American people from the audience because I got brought on stage to take part in a sweet cooking contest.  The good news is I brought home the gold for America and was even able to entertain the crowd with an adorable little dance after my victory.  It was great and I'm expecting a call any day now with an offer to permanently join the show.  After the show we got shipped off to downtown Seoul where I got to see lots of great things at the market place.  There were numerous funny shirts there including (but not limited to) "Phillies Cowboys" ... two very unrelated sports teams ... "I'm hottest" ... he wasn't even that hot ... and a very inappropriately dressed woman wearing a shirt that said "I'm so fucking Disco" ... that chick loved the Village People.  With dinner I had my first taste of SoJu and it tasted SoBad.  People drink it with most meals but it basically tastes like Karkov mixed with water.  I also found out later that a 3000 cc pitcher of beer is much larger than my head.  It's the first time anything on this planet has ever been bigger than my head; I feel defeated.  While sitting outside of a restaurant we made a small Korean friend (possibly 3 years old) and found out something great: in Korea if a little kid drops his pants next to a tree his parents will merely push him closer to the tree and allow him to "water" it.   We were able to navigate our way back to campus by bus (which is very uplifting) where we were immediately met by two drunken scholars offering us rice wine.  Luckily a paper bag floated by or a shiny light caught there eyes and they continued their drunken meandering up the street.  I also found out that there are crane games all over Korea and it's very easy to win them.  Yes, most of your souveniers will be won rather than bought for you.  

Today (Sunday) we decided to venture around the city of Suwon which is where the campus we currently reside at is located.  Not a lot of craziness occured but I did try Korean's take on pizza and with each pizza you get sweet pickles and honey mustard on the side ... that makes sense to me.  To keep on the American theme of the day we went and saw the movie G.I. Joe.  The first show was sold out and instead of being dissapointed I was happy to see Koreans taking an interest in American things like explosions and Marlen Wayans.  We had 9 p.m. curfew tonight so we had to return to our dorm rooms where I accidently bought ion supply drink instead of water.  I thought "Pocari Sweat" meant Cold Refreshing H20 ... damn this language barrier!  Sports day is tomorrow so I will continue to try to represent for the red white and blue because these colors don't run ... except during the sports day relay race.

After this post, I doubt I'll be posting on a daily bases because tomorrow I start my first day of classes and who wants to hear about school when you're having summer in America.  Today I got to see more great things.  I went to a store called Home Plus which basically is what you get if you take Target and Cub and stuff them in Ikea's tummy.  I bought an iron, hangers, and shampoo and guess what? Shampoo was the most expensive.   I hate all the politics that come with hair hygene products and I'm sure you do too.  We had our opening ceremony today which entailed a Tae Kwon Doe show, a little kids choir, a b-boy break dancing group, and 3 ladies playing "Let it be" on stringed instruments.  After watching the things Tae Kwon Doe-ers can break and kick out of the air I want to grow up and be one.  One guy was blindfolded and kicked an apple off a sword with some sort of street fighter back flip kick.  You can't make that stuff up people.  The low point of the ceremony was having to get your temperature taken because we have to do that everyday.  I don't like swines or their flu and I hope they stop giving it to people so I can live a thermometer free life.  I did see another great shirt today though that said "I have something great in the sack".  I'm assuming that it was suppose to be a sexual reference but I like to believe the guy really has a sack filled with great things in it.  I hope your lives are all still good and don't worry, I'm still ... proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free ... 

Brock's first day of Korea

I landed safely in Korea and with the help of some most excellent sleeping pills from walgreens I slept for 10 hours on the plane.  After an hour and a half bus ride to Seoul I settled in to my cozy little dorm room with my new roomate Obid or maybe it's Odib.  Time will only tell what shenanigans we get into.  Instead of sleeping once we got to the dorms, Lauren and I decided to go on a field trip to a nice little Korean Village where we got to feed a cow hay and watch a traditional dance.  Remember Will Ferrels beautiful twirly wand routine at the end of Old School?  Well the traditional dance was basically like that, except the twirly wands were attached to their heads and sometimes they would break dance.  Fantastic.  Due to a shortage of drinking fountains, Lauren decided to scoop handfuls of water out of a waterful.  Just Lauren being Lauren!  Enjoy the dysentary.  We then got to go to Nam June Paik's art gallery and let me tell you, he liked three things: TV's, Circuitry, and Pornography.  Our tour guide was a German with a lisp and hear I thought I had seen everything.  I got to watch a soccer match back on campus and walk around the city and now I'm all tuckered out.  Brock had a big day.  I end this post with a list of a few things I learned about Korea today.

1.  There are handicap accessible urinals so if you ever are crippled and still think peeing sitting down is for girls, this country is for you.

2.  Don't assume that just because someone is not Korean and in this country that they speak English, that's just racist.

3.  Evidently a removable shower faucet head attached to your bathroom sink in your dorm room counts as a shower.

4.  Korean's wearing random English words on shirts will always make you smile.

As a follow up to that fourth point I will make a valiant effort to find the greatest English shirt I see someone wearing.  The two that stood out today was a woman wearing a shirt that said "She is you" ... deep but confusing ... and a little kid wearing a shirt that said "looking for a big wave"